Newborn LOVE

I love babies, and there's something about this time of having a new baby that makes me want to cling to it forever. Perhaps because I know this is my last and I can't soak it all in more if I tried. It makes me teary just thinking about never doing this again. I mean, I can't keep having children so I have to deal with this at some point. And while I do, I want not to forget. Not to forget the medicinal smell of a newborns head, the connection of a mother and her baby that transitions from the baby being inside the womb to the bracelets that charm when you get near your baby while in the hospital. The tininess of the bracelet around your baby's adorable wrist is to die for cute. Then the reminder of that connection every time you see your baby's chord at diaper changes. That connection is so strong, so real, one that is hard to put into words. I keep thinking, this is the last time I will... Or the last time I will have.... For instance, the last time I'll get to put a snuggly new baby in those ever so soft Carter's onesies that I love so much. It'll be the last time that I'll have a new baby on my chest with his arms and legs curled under him the way he was in my belly. It'll be the last "first smiles" that melt my core and the "coos" that make me want to bottle the happiness and pure joy those beautiful sounds create within me. The last time an infant will follow my voice and face with those trusting eyes. Eyes that say "I'm yours and your mine," eyes that show the intensity of that bond. The last set of baby hands and feet that I adore more the I can possibly express. I could take pictures of them all.day.long so I don't forget how cute they are.The last time I'll smell baby's breath that smells like sweet breast milk. It'll be he last time I get to put my nose to his mouth when he yawns to get a whiff of that precious smell. It might seem crazy but I love that smell. The last time a sweet, precious baby will grip my finger so tight I almost feel him saying "don't let go." Oh how I adore that baby grip. And a balled baby fist. Eek!! Love me some baby fists. And their tiny thumbs and knees. Oh and baby thighs! The softeness and the little creases. I could nibble on a baby thigh. Not literally but they're so darn cute!! The last time I'll comb out cradle cap and have tiny baby snuggles in the quiet of the night and the still of the early morning. The last time I'll keep a tiny baby covered in their infant car seat to keep them protected from the outside world. So many lasts. But, I digress. 

What is it about pregnancy and new babies that I can't seem to let go of? It's such an amazing thing to carry, birth, nurse and care for a new baby. One thing I love about having had 4 kids is that these times are so familiar, familiar like an old family home is familiar. I sometimes think how if you only do it once or twice you don't get the joy of doing it once you are so familiar, that you get to truly soak it in b/c everything comes so second natured and now you can truly relish in it; in all the little moments. The moment where your little baby's arms are draped over your shoulders and his precious face snuggled in that safe spot between your shoulder and face. The moment where you can hear every little sound they make and put together which sound goes with what need. I recognize my son's hungry cry and his tired cry and even his "just hold me mom" cry. I even get to marvel at how amazing it is to nurse a baby. Admittedly, the idea of nursing when I'm pregnant is weird but it couldn't come more natural once they're born. And this time I'm in aw like I never have been before about how awesome it really is. It's a beautiful and hardly weird thing really. How they instantly soothe when nursing; the  comfort you can see all over their face. The way they think your tatas are their own personal pillows and how they cozy up to them. The immunities you pass. The perfectly matched and timed nutrition it provides. The way your milk lets down at the first cry of your baby if it's even remotely close to feed time. The way they try to eat their own fists when they are hungry or bob around until they are latched. And the intimate bonding time you get all throughout the day b/c of nursing sessions. At least this is my joy in having a fourth baby; not having to learn everything for the first time and being able to just truly enjoy it!

I know what he'll turn into. A seven year old who's too big for his own britches or a wild almost three year old like my other sons. I find myself wondering what he'll be like at their age and elated at the idea of watching him get there. But for now, I am having a hard time putting this sweet baby down and want him to stay tiny forever. I itch to hold him when it's been a while. I literally get excited to hold him after I've been busy. I love how having a small baby slows me down. Almost to a fault. I'm having a hard time getting things done around the house b/c I don't want to put him down. I kind of just want to be home with him, caring for and loving on him. It pains me when be cries. Not in a frustrated way but in a way that I don't want him upset. 

I am snapping pictures constantly bc I'm so enamored. I want to remember! To remember his perfectly upturned nose, the width of his nostrils, the way his ears slightly fold over at the tops, how he has more hair on the back of his head then the top, his double jointed thumbs, his blond eyebrows a a lashes, his soft belly, the way his hands fall when he sleeps, his jerky motions at the sound of sudden noise. The way his chin quivers and his lips purse, and his mouth frowns so cutely when he's upset. Man, is that the cutest. It's so cute and sad you wanna cry with him and see him  make that precious frown again all at the same time. I want to remember how his back arches when he stretches and how his arms and legs tend to swim in the air and how he grabs my hands and arm and pulls them in close with his arms. And how he holds his head up or puts weight on his feet as if to say "look at how strong I am Mom!" Oh and his gummy smile. I never did love a gummy smile more, well, except for my other kids' gummy smiles. Or what about the way he intently stares at me and the confused look he sometimes gives me or how he quiets when I sing. I want to remember it all. 

I want nothing more in this life then to grow old and gray with my hubby and watch the kids grow into healthy and happy adults. That right there is all that matters to me. Motherhood has been the biggest gift and blessing (after God giving me the perfect mate for me who made it all possible) and I know I'm doing what I'm called to do. Mothering. The greatest gift. To baby Riv, or Rivy Roo or just Roo as we like to call him, for making me a new mom yet again. I love you so!! I could give you Eskimo kisses all day long! Xoxoxo, Mommy

A Note To My Children

Hayden,

I love your big brown eyes. I swear they sparkle. Your smile is beautiful. Your hair sandy blond and skin a light olive, just as handsome as can be. As I sit here on the eve of your last day of Kindergarten, I can't help but be so proud. And, I'm tearful. I can't believe how fast it went and how much you've grown. Listening to you read and sound out words is music to my ears. I love how you smell like a "boy" after playing outside. You are still rough and tumble. I love when you flash me a random smile, an "I love you Mom" and when you grab my waist for a hug. I love how excited you are about yet, another brother. I love how you stick up for your only sister and how ya'll hold hands as if it's comforting in a new place around new people. I love how you look for her when we're somewhere new and the confidence you all have when you're together. I will never forget you as my "first" baby. I pray you never loose your innocence and you keep asking a million questions. I adore how much you admire your Daddy and how you love to love the things he loves. Swoon. I love how you and Sawyer babble to each other at night and how we find you asleep next to each other in the morning. I like how proud of yourself you get when you make good decisions and how you randomly talk about God and Jesus. I love your curiosity about everything and how social you are. You are a force to be reckoned with my son. You are naturally athletic and love to show off, especially around older girls. Ah hum. You are a huge personality with an ever bigger heart. Tough but tender. You have been worrying more lately and it pulls my heart strings but in a way it shows me insight to your soul and reminds me there is so much more then your boyhood I have yet to discover. This might sound bad but when you got lost for 5 seconds in Target the other day and when we reunited your little lip was quivering and your eyes sad and as soon as I asked "are you okay?" you hugged me tight and cried tears and explained how scared you were. In that moment, I was reminded you still need me and feel safe with me. I'm your Mom. Your independence helps me to forget those needs of yours. I have cherished so much having lunch with you in the Kindergarten cafeteria. I can't wait to see you each day. I'm whole when you are here. Hayden, I'm so glad God chose me to be your Mommy. I love you more then you can know and I'm very proud of the boy you are becoming.

Emerson,

Our bond is deep rooted, something so hard to explain. We are bonded in an unspoken, magical kind of way. I love those green, deep set eyes. Still. They draw me in every time I look at them. I love how you always smell sweet and fruity and clean, even after playing outside. I love watching you dress up and twirl around like a ballerina or a princess. Your soft voice melts me. You are as girly as they come but I'm so in awe of how you're able to hang with the boys and never worry about getting dirty or getting hurt. You had your first recital and I got teary before you even danced. As my one and only daughter, those moments are so special. I enjoy seeing you in your element doing girly things and being with your girl friends and how much you admire and love to be around bigger girls.  I was so proud of you dancing out there and promise I've never seen anything cuter. You've made me smitten with how much you love me. Man, I'm not sure anyone makes me feel as loved as you do in the sense you notice every little new and different thing about me, down to new clothes, jewelry, hair color, toes painted and even when I buy new underwear. You compliment me all.the.time. Swoon again. Be still my heart. I love how you like me to sit next to you always, how you want to cuddle and nuzzle up to me always,and how you want me around and the excitement in your eyes when I show up to pick you up. I love how much you love your brothers. I love how Sawyer is your baby, literally. I love how much you love to have H's attention and your little confidence boost when he treats you well. I love painting your nails, getting our toes done together, dressing you for ballet, taking you shopping with me, and all things GIRL. You have completed me in a way that I never new needed to be complete. I thank God for one little princess. I find myself still so grateful and wanting to yell from the rooftops, "I have a daughter!!!" I think I've always known I'd be surrounded by boys so you were a huge surprise and I still feel so blessed that I have you to be alongside of me as we navigate the waters of being surround by "all these boys." And did I mention, I love how you call them "boys" and "your boys" and how you tell me regularly "we are girls" as if to remind me I'm not alone. Swoon more.


Sawyer,

I love how you are unique in your own right, your own person and so different from the others. Almost like you were just what we needed. I feel as if you balance us out. You are charming, sweet and so caring and kind. You are quiet but into everything and I mean everything. Sometimes I just have to laugh. Your hair is white and grows like a weed. Everyone comments on it. Your skin fair and your belly round and your legs, tiny. I adore the space between your jaw and your shoulder and I nuzzle you often. I love your huge mouth and pearly white teeth. The shape of your smile looks like a fruit bowl and I noticed it each time. I love how the only thing you need to keep you happy is playing with your siblings. You are thrilled to be a part of everything that they do and you light up every time. I love your laugh, it's amazing and so contagious. You have a sweet voice but a huge scream. You are all two year old. You are so go with the flow and adaptable like Daddy. I love how much you love your siblings. Did I say that already? It's inexplicable. I feel like so much of who you are is rooted in them. You adore your big sister and love to play with big brother. I love how you like to give hugs and hug the tightest out of any of the kids. You give literal bear hugs. Awesome. I adore how when you wake up in the morning you come down and say "I awake!" I enjoy singing to you at night and love your request for me to do so. The way you look in my eyes when I sing as if you are "home" and "safe" in my arms. I love how you look at me with concern and care when I'm not feeling well. I love how happy you are all the time. You are our best eater and love all food. You are just a jolly little boy and I love your green eyes and rosy checks and lashes that seem to go on for miles. Almost everyone who meets you and gets to know your personality loves you and looks forward to seeing you again. Your contagious my sweet one!

CHRISTmas 2012

What an AMAZING Christmas! As hard as it's been to be away from family and friends and start a life in a new state, that's not TEXAS, we had by far, the BEST Christmas we've ever had!

Shortly after arriving home from Texas after a visit there for Thanksgiving, Tio Milton came for his first visit to see us in OK! We went to a Christmas tree farm and picked out our Christmas tree. It was pretty warm that day but still gorgeous and the family enjoyed this event. And even though we didn't end up cutting a down a tree, but rather buying a pre-cut one they had there, we still enjoyed walking the farm, browsing trees and the hot chocolate they were serving. We were glad to experience this with Tio!

After several Christmas festivities during the month of December such as Breakfast with Santa, school Christmas parties, a Jesus birthday cake making and baking play date, dates spent Christmas shopping for our littles with my boo, shipping presents to my Mom, buying and assembling teacher gifts and much more, Christmas Eve had finally arrived!

Christmas Eve day was pretty relaxed. I had decided that since this would be the first year we would be away from home and my Mom (which meant I would need to prepare our Christmas meal), I didn't want to spend that special time slaving in the kitchen, so I ordered our Christmas meal from the local grocer! This was genius! It lasted our family of 5 both Christmas Eve and Christmas day and it was easy peasy. No mess, no stress, just good food and quality time with our family. And the food was quite good!

Christmas Eve we all got dressed nice and spent the day together. We made smores in the outside fireplace, the kids played, colored, we had a wonderful family dinner together, and then opened adult presents. The kids got to open their traditional Christmas PJ's, too. We gave them a warm bubble bath, read Christmas stories, put milk and cookies out for Santa and finally got our babies snuggled in their beds.

 

It was a perfect night and before we knew it, the kids were fast asleep and Mr. and Mrs. Claus were off to work. Finally, everything was ready to go for Christmas morning.

It was the bestest Christmas ever! Thinking about that day makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. These are the moments, ya'll. I don't think there's any better feeling on earth then spending Christmas with your own kiddos. Seriously, one of those heaven on Earth kind of days. Literally. Do you ever have moments where you think, "this would be in my heaven?" I do, all.the.time.

The kids had a blast opening their presents. The day was packed with family fun. We assembled toys and played with every single one, we watched Brave as a family, we ate mountain pancakes for breakfast (tradition and might I add that I made with flour instead of powdered sugar and we didn't figure it out till they were almost gone), we played in the snow, we snuggled, cuddled by the fire, ate more, Daddy and Emerson baked with her easy bake, snow ball fights, we played Just Dance. and so much more. It was a FULL day. Full of food, laugther, fun and our little family!

Did I mention snow? On Christmas Day!? I was so excited. I swear, it was God saying to me "you are meant to be here and this will make up for those scary spring tornadoes!" Am I the only who hears God talk to me like that? He knows how much I long for snow days and we've gotten our share since being here.

Ah. Perfection. Here's our Christmas snow day pictures. It didn't end up being as much as we thought but it was still snow, ya'll.... on Christmas! And we had a darn blast playing in it!

I hope everyone had just as special a Christmas even though I'm posting this two months later.

Hayden Turns 6!

My sweet oldest child, Hayden, turned 6 years old! A true, big boy. What a year 2012 was for him as we moved to OK, he started Kindergarten and turned 6!

We celebrated with his new OK friends with a laser tag party at Laser Quest in OKC. The kids had fun and the party was a success. Hayden fell in love quickly with laser tag after his Daddy took him to play a few times, so this was the perfect party for him. I loved playing laser tag when I was a kid so it's fun for me to see him enjoy it, too.

This was our first party of his that we haven't had at our home. It was a nice change and a little less hectic.

We went home to Texas for Thanksgiving and ended up celebrating H's actual birthday back in Katy. On the day of his birthday we went to Lupe Tortilla for his birthday lunch. Yum! The kids had a blast playing in the sandbox together. Hayden got to wear a sombrero while the staff sang "Happy Birthday" to him and then smashed a little dessert on his face. He was so confused! As a family we went to a fun arcade afterwards and played lots of games including another round of laser tag where Ems and I beat the boys! Go girl team! We also stopped at the comic book store and picked up a few new comic books for H. It was an awesome family day and Hayden had a blast. I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate my sweet boy.

And to top it all off, we had yet another party for Hayden at my Mom's house with our Texas friends! What a lucky guy. That's a lot of celebrating. We had a bounce house, hotdogs, and cake for our Texas celebration and Hayden had a blast seeing all of his old buddies!

Hayden has made me one proud Mama. He was the one who made me a Mom for the very first time. My first son. He has grown in to such a good boy. He is excelling in Kindergarten and is quite the social butterfly. He continues to be ALL BOY. I feel honored that God chose me to be his Mommy and entrusted me to raise this little man. There are not enough good men in this world and I consider having sons to be a huge honor and privelage and have vowed to do my absolute very best in raising good boys. Hayden, you are my light, my sunshine and I will always love you more then you can ever know! Happy 6th birthday my boy!!

Kindergarten

I can't believe the time finally came to send my first born, the one who made me a Mama for the first time, to Kindergarten!!! Wow, what an emotional time. First, it was excitement for him. I knew how excited he was for it and that made me excited. It seems for the last three years this boy has been counting down the days till he would get to ride the bus to "big school." He always asks when he'll get to go to "big school" like our old neighbor kids.  

Kindergarten Photo Shoot by Mom

Then, as we started getting closer to the day, my heart got a little heavy. This was the start to what would be at the end of each summer. My boy, spending most of his time at school and not at home. I would miss him. I would miss our carefree summer days. He is growing up. I can still remember him as a baby, my first baby. And now, at close to 6 years old, he was going to Kindergarten. We went to meet-the-teacher and we really liked the school. I'm so glad for that b/c this is the place that will be our school home for the next 6-9 years to all three of our children. Still a little surreal to me that it is not in Texas by the way.

We brought the teacher a little gift at the suggestion of H's preschool teachers back home. It was a gesture to thank her in advance for what she would endure with my Kindergartener, and 20 others, that upcoming year. We filled a little basket with a candle, watermelon bath & body works soap, jumbo paper clips, a red sharpie, peanut M&M's, a turqouise earring and necklace set and a picture of H with some fun facts about him and a note on the back wishing them a fantastic year and to let her know that we are here to help her in any way. We got to see H's classroom and sign up for PTO and other things. We chatted with the teacher and got bus route info. I still couldn't believe this was all happening. We have a school age child!!

The night before his first day of K, we had a good dinner, took a bath, set out his back to school outfit and sent our little man off to dream land. The next morning H woke up to a decorated table, he had his breakfast and off we went to take our big guy to Kindergarten! We walked him in as a family and as I walked out of that room tears began to well. "So big," I thought. I thought about him all day, wondering how he was and what he was doing. Imagining him in the cafeteria, at recess and in the classroom. Of course, I wondered if he was behaving. I decorated his table even more and baked brownies with Em to keep me busy.

Finally it was time to get Hayden off of the bus! Eeee. Seeing my son get off the bus did things to my heart. He seemed so big, yet so little getting off that bus. Independent but still so young. I saw a vulnerablity there. He was now out there, subjected the little world of elementary school where I could not do for him, protect him, remind him to behave, pick him up when he falls and comfort him when he needed. Sigh.

He seemed soo happy though and that warmed me in ways I can't explain. A reminder that he was okay and in good hands. He would be alright. The excitement and smiles coming from him was good for my soul to see. He came home to his decorated snack table and ice cream station and yelled with such excitement "thank you Mom, this is awesome!" No my boy, "YOU are awesome," I thought. He screeched, "I love Kindergarten. My teacher is so nice!" Insert heart swells. I hope that day was a memory he'll remember.

We invited our new neighborhood friends over to join us for ice cream and snacks and the kids had fun riding bikes and just being kids. We sent Dilyn and Hudson home with some new crayons, some cars and a little lego pack. Dilyn had his first day of Pre-K at the same elementary and Hudson would be starting preschool where E would be going as well so we wanted to include them on the 'first day' fun! All in all, it was a great way to start K!

I signed up for PTO. I'm PAL'ing (helping the teacher every other week with things she needs done like cutting, making copies, assembling booklets, etc), I'll be cooking something once a month for the teacher appreciation luncheons, taking pictures of the Hayden and his classmates for yearbook and hopefully I'll get to help present and Art lesson to H and his class sometime this year. And we regularly go have lunch with H.

Last week he got to see me, S, and Em on Thurs, and Dad on Fri. What a treat for all of us! I want to be there, where H is. And to be a part of the school that will be home for so many years to come. A way to give back to those who give to our kids. So, PTO, here I comeeeeee!

Hayden's first three weeks have gone well and we are so proud and happy for our sweet guy! There were a few hiccups in the beginning but between the teacher's new classroom behavior initiatives and our at home behavior chart, H has had an exceptional few weeks and even the teacher mentioned to me how well he's been doing. Go my precious boy!! We love you so much and are so proud of you!

As of Late

Blogging feels like a challenge sometimes. But, I am forcing myself to update it b/c I know 100% at a future date, I will not regret it. And there are so many little things that happen where I say to Kris "I don't want to forget this." So much gets lost in my little brain that this really helps. Looking back on this blog is a HUGE gift, so while it doesn't feel as exciting as it used to, I am resolving to update it here and there for what I deem blog worthy. And, lately, a few blog worthy things happened so here I go.

On August 2nd, my sweet husband turned 30 years old!!! I can hardly believe he is 30 and that I've been with him almost half of his life. How much he's grown, changed, and gotten better. I think that's all that one can wish for reaching this milestone of a birthday. I am so proud of all that he is. As I watched him paint Emerson's little nails yesterday, I thought to myself, "only a real man would do that!"

We made a trip to Houston for several reasons. We had to return a work trailer, get K's boat from my Mom's, and attend my HS reunion. I decided that while we were there we should get our friends together for a dinner to celebrate sweet K's 30th! A second attempt at a "SURPRISE" was an epic fail. Nonetheless, we went to dinner at Yard House with our closest friends and Kris had a great night.

Our weekend was so packed and we had to fit in so much that I didn't get to do (or see) all that I wanted. Fortunately, I think another trip is coming up very soon!

/f 

The next night we went to my 10 year HS reunion. Let me tell you, we were tired come Sunday. Kris and I rarely go out outside of date night and to do it two nights in a row was definitely hard. But, being that we do it so rarely we decided to make the best of it and enjoy ourselves b/c it would soon be back to business as usual. Before the reunion, we went to dinner with Paige and her boyfriend Sam. We ate at the original Ninfa's and enjoyed lots of laughs, queso, and margaritas! We hit it off with Sam and agreed that this dinner should have been done from the very get go of their relationship b/c we all got to know each other and really hang out and have fun! We enjoyed them so! Off to the reunion we went and I got to see and talk to some folks I hadn't in a long time. It felt more like a night out with old friends then a reunion but it was still fun.

While we were in Houston, we took Sawyer to get his first haircut, something I had been putting off b/c I loved his long hair so much. I also loved that he looked like a baby still with it. But, it was beginning to get out of control as you can see from the pics. I love that we didn't cut it terribly short, just got it from looking crazy and out of his face. This age (18 months) is the EXACT age of H's first haircut and that seems special to me. H had the same kind of crazy hair. Sawyer did SOOO good and looks soo handsome! Love my little bitty, sweet baby boy!!

The Monday morning before we left Kris had some work business to take care of so we went to breakfast with Rosa and the kiddos. The kids didn't get to do much this trip so we knew they would love seeing their friends. Gavin and Rosa and Riley and Lars are very dear friends and the kids have grown up together so it is always a treat to spend time with them! The kids love each other!

After breakfast we did some serious back to school shopping with my Mom and Hayden got set up. I have always loved dressing my boys and I love that there are NO uniforms at the school he'll be attending. My guy is going to be so styling and handsome! Thanks Grandma for his (and Emerson's) new threads!

When we got home Kris's actual birth(day) was here and it was time to BAKE his day!! I started off with  making him egg mc muffins for breakfast. He'd recently been saying how he liked the ones from McDonald's so I decided to make my own version and boy were they yummy. We decorated with balloons and party blowers and K opened his birthday card and looked through the album that I put together for him. It basically documented all the big milestones of his 30 years! 

After he left for work the kids and I baked some super good chocolate cupcakes (courtesy of Pinterest) for him. We all had fun and made a big mess. That night for dinner I made one of Kris's favorite meals, loaded fettuccine alfredo and we sang "Happy Birthday" to him afterwards. He said he had great day with the family and that's all I hoped to achieve!

We are in our last few days before school starts again and trying to get the kids on an earlier bed time routine. That's proving to be a feat so good thing we've started a bit early. I will be back to update about our oldest child starting Kindergarten and to post about Emerson's new preschool!

My (little) Best Friends!

The other day the kids and I were driving home from Wal-Mart and I thought to myself, "these kids are literally my pint sized best friends!"

For example:

- We go EVERYWHERE together
 - We have breakfast, lunch and dinner together
- They keep me company in a place where I don't many
- They bask in our excitements and weep in our sadness
- We talk every day
- We go on mini adventures together
- We travel together
- We tell each other secrets
- We laugh together
- We play together
- We pray togeher
- And quite literally, we are together 24/7

I'd have to agree, those things definitely make for some great best friends, no matter what their size!