A Note To My Children

Hayden,

I love your big brown eyes. I swear they sparkle. Your smile is beautiful. Your hair sandy blond and skin a light olive, just as handsome as can be. As I sit here on the eve of your last day of Kindergarten, I can't help but be so proud. And, I'm tearful. I can't believe how fast it went and how much you've grown. Listening to you read and sound out words is music to my ears. I love how you smell like a "boy" after playing outside. You are still rough and tumble. I love when you flash me a random smile, an "I love you Mom" and when you grab my waist for a hug. I love how excited you are about yet, another brother. I love how you stick up for your only sister and how ya'll hold hands as if it's comforting in a new place around new people. I love how you look for her when we're somewhere new and the confidence you all have when you're together. I will never forget you as my "first" baby. I pray you never loose your innocence and you keep asking a million questions. I adore how much you admire your Daddy and how you love to love the things he loves. Swoon. I love how you and Sawyer babble to each other at night and how we find you asleep next to each other in the morning. I like how proud of yourself you get when you make good decisions and how you randomly talk about God and Jesus. I love your curiosity about everything and how social you are. You are a force to be reckoned with my son. You are naturally athletic and love to show off, especially around older girls. Ah hum. You are a huge personality with an ever bigger heart. Tough but tender. You have been worrying more lately and it pulls my heart strings but in a way it shows me insight to your soul and reminds me there is so much more then your boyhood I have yet to discover. This might sound bad but when you got lost for 5 seconds in Target the other day and when we reunited your little lip was quivering and your eyes sad and as soon as I asked "are you okay?" you hugged me tight and cried tears and explained how scared you were. In that moment, I was reminded you still need me and feel safe with me. I'm your Mom. Your independence helps me to forget those needs of yours. I have cherished so much having lunch with you in the Kindergarten cafeteria. I can't wait to see you each day. I'm whole when you are here. Hayden, I'm so glad God chose me to be your Mommy. I love you more then you can know and I'm very proud of the boy you are becoming.

Emerson,

Our bond is deep rooted, something so hard to explain. We are bonded in an unspoken, magical kind of way. I love those green, deep set eyes. Still. They draw me in every time I look at them. I love how you always smell sweet and fruity and clean, even after playing outside. I love watching you dress up and twirl around like a ballerina or a princess. Your soft voice melts me. You are as girly as they come but I'm so in awe of how you're able to hang with the boys and never worry about getting dirty or getting hurt. You had your first recital and I got teary before you even danced. As my one and only daughter, those moments are so special. I enjoy seeing you in your element doing girly things and being with your girl friends and how much you admire and love to be around bigger girls.  I was so proud of you dancing out there and promise I've never seen anything cuter. You've made me smitten with how much you love me. Man, I'm not sure anyone makes me feel as loved as you do in the sense you notice every little new and different thing about me, down to new clothes, jewelry, hair color, toes painted and even when I buy new underwear. You compliment me all.the.time. Swoon again. Be still my heart. I love how you like me to sit next to you always, how you want to cuddle and nuzzle up to me always,and how you want me around and the excitement in your eyes when I show up to pick you up. I love how much you love your brothers. I love how Sawyer is your baby, literally. I love how much you love to have H's attention and your little confidence boost when he treats you well. I love painting your nails, getting our toes done together, dressing you for ballet, taking you shopping with me, and all things GIRL. You have completed me in a way that I never new needed to be complete. I thank God for one little princess. I find myself still so grateful and wanting to yell from the rooftops, "I have a daughter!!!" I think I've always known I'd be surrounded by boys so you were a huge surprise and I still feel so blessed that I have you to be alongside of me as we navigate the waters of being surround by "all these boys." And did I mention, I love how you call them "boys" and "your boys" and how you tell me regularly "we are girls" as if to remind me I'm not alone. Swoon more.


Sawyer,

I love how you are unique in your own right, your own person and so different from the others. Almost like you were just what we needed. I feel as if you balance us out. You are charming, sweet and so caring and kind. You are quiet but into everything and I mean everything. Sometimes I just have to laugh. Your hair is white and grows like a weed. Everyone comments on it. Your skin fair and your belly round and your legs, tiny. I adore the space between your jaw and your shoulder and I nuzzle you often. I love your huge mouth and pearly white teeth. The shape of your smile looks like a fruit bowl and I noticed it each time. I love how the only thing you need to keep you happy is playing with your siblings. You are thrilled to be a part of everything that they do and you light up every time. I love your laugh, it's amazing and so contagious. You have a sweet voice but a huge scream. You are all two year old. You are so go with the flow and adaptable like Daddy. I love how much you love your siblings. Did I say that already? It's inexplicable. I feel like so much of who you are is rooted in them. You adore your big sister and love to play with big brother. I love how you like to give hugs and hug the tightest out of any of the kids. You give literal bear hugs. Awesome. I adore how when you wake up in the morning you come down and say "I awake!" I enjoy singing to you at night and love your request for me to do so. The way you look in my eyes when I sing as if you are "home" and "safe" in my arms. I love how you look at me with concern and care when I'm not feeling well. I love how happy you are all the time. You are our best eater and love all food. You are just a jolly little boy and I love your green eyes and rosy checks and lashes that seem to go on for miles. Almost everyone who meets you and gets to know your personality loves you and looks forward to seeing you again. Your contagious my sweet one!