Newborn LOVE

I love babies, and there's something about this time of having a new baby that makes me want to cling to it forever. Perhaps because I know this is my last and I can't soak it all in more if I tried. It makes me teary just thinking about never doing this again. I mean, I can't keep having children so I have to deal with this at some point. And while I do, I want not to forget. Not to forget the medicinal smell of a newborns head, the connection of a mother and her baby that transitions from the baby being inside the womb to the bracelets that charm when you get near your baby while in the hospital. The tininess of the bracelet around your baby's adorable wrist is to die for cute. Then the reminder of that connection every time you see your baby's chord at diaper changes. That connection is so strong, so real, one that is hard to put into words. I keep thinking, this is the last time I will... Or the last time I will have.... For instance, the last time I'll get to put a snuggly new baby in those ever so soft Carter's onesies that I love so much. It'll be the last time that I'll have a new baby on my chest with his arms and legs curled under him the way he was in my belly. It'll be the last "first smiles" that melt my core and the "coos" that make me want to bottle the happiness and pure joy those beautiful sounds create within me. The last time an infant will follow my voice and face with those trusting eyes. Eyes that say "I'm yours and your mine," eyes that show the intensity of that bond. The last set of baby hands and feet that I adore more the I can possibly express. I could take pictures of them all.day.long so I don't forget how cute they are.The last time I'll smell baby's breath that smells like sweet breast milk. It'll be he last time I get to put my nose to his mouth when he yawns to get a whiff of that precious smell. It might seem crazy but I love that smell. The last time a sweet, precious baby will grip my finger so tight I almost feel him saying "don't let go." Oh how I adore that baby grip. And a balled baby fist. Eek!! Love me some baby fists. And their tiny thumbs and knees. Oh and baby thighs! The softeness and the little creases. I could nibble on a baby thigh. Not literally but they're so darn cute!! The last time I'll comb out cradle cap and have tiny baby snuggles in the quiet of the night and the still of the early morning. The last time I'll keep a tiny baby covered in their infant car seat to keep them protected from the outside world. So many lasts. But, I digress. 

What is it about pregnancy and new babies that I can't seem to let go of? It's such an amazing thing to carry, birth, nurse and care for a new baby. One thing I love about having had 4 kids is that these times are so familiar, familiar like an old family home is familiar. I sometimes think how if you only do it once or twice you don't get the joy of doing it once you are so familiar, that you get to truly soak it in b/c everything comes so second natured and now you can truly relish in it; in all the little moments. The moment where your little baby's arms are draped over your shoulders and his precious face snuggled in that safe spot between your shoulder and face. The moment where you can hear every little sound they make and put together which sound goes with what need. I recognize my son's hungry cry and his tired cry and even his "just hold me mom" cry. I even get to marvel at how amazing it is to nurse a baby. Admittedly, the idea of nursing when I'm pregnant is weird but it couldn't come more natural once they're born. And this time I'm in aw like I never have been before about how awesome it really is. It's a beautiful and hardly weird thing really. How they instantly soothe when nursing; the  comfort you can see all over their face. The way they think your tatas are their own personal pillows and how they cozy up to them. The immunities you pass. The perfectly matched and timed nutrition it provides. The way your milk lets down at the first cry of your baby if it's even remotely close to feed time. The way they try to eat their own fists when they are hungry or bob around until they are latched. And the intimate bonding time you get all throughout the day b/c of nursing sessions. At least this is my joy in having a fourth baby; not having to learn everything for the first time and being able to just truly enjoy it!

I know what he'll turn into. A seven year old who's too big for his own britches or a wild almost three year old like my other sons. I find myself wondering what he'll be like at their age and elated at the idea of watching him get there. But for now, I am having a hard time putting this sweet baby down and want him to stay tiny forever. I itch to hold him when it's been a while. I literally get excited to hold him after I've been busy. I love how having a small baby slows me down. Almost to a fault. I'm having a hard time getting things done around the house b/c I don't want to put him down. I kind of just want to be home with him, caring for and loving on him. It pains me when be cries. Not in a frustrated way but in a way that I don't want him upset. 

I am snapping pictures constantly bc I'm so enamored. I want to remember! To remember his perfectly upturned nose, the width of his nostrils, the way his ears slightly fold over at the tops, how he has more hair on the back of his head then the top, his double jointed thumbs, his blond eyebrows a a lashes, his soft belly, the way his hands fall when he sleeps, his jerky motions at the sound of sudden noise. The way his chin quivers and his lips purse, and his mouth frowns so cutely when he's upset. Man, is that the cutest. It's so cute and sad you wanna cry with him and see him  make that precious frown again all at the same time. I want to remember how his back arches when he stretches and how his arms and legs tend to swim in the air and how he grabs my hands and arm and pulls them in close with his arms. And how he holds his head up or puts weight on his feet as if to say "look at how strong I am Mom!" Oh and his gummy smile. I never did love a gummy smile more, well, except for my other kids' gummy smiles. Or what about the way he intently stares at me and the confused look he sometimes gives me or how he quiets when I sing. I want to remember it all. 

I want nothing more in this life then to grow old and gray with my hubby and watch the kids grow into healthy and happy adults. That right there is all that matters to me. Motherhood has been the biggest gift and blessing (after God giving me the perfect mate for me who made it all possible) and I know I'm doing what I'm called to do. Mothering. The greatest gift. To baby Riv, or Rivy Roo or just Roo as we like to call him, for making me a new mom yet again. I love you so!! I could give you Eskimo kisses all day long! Xoxoxo, Mommy