So much on my mind lately I can barely get my wheels to stop spinning!!! I've been up since 5:30 a.m. just thinking about everything and anything under the sun. I need to get my thoughts out so hopefully I won't be up that early again!
I recently took down my spiritual reflection post b/c when I go to make this blog into a book, I want my reflection and random entries to be separate from the kiddo related posts. Still trying to organize that!
Hayden has been on my mind so much in the last few days! With his 5th birthday fast approaching, I find myself wanting to bottle his innocence and never let it go. I want him to always be this age, to stop growing. My baby will be 5 in less then a month!
He is such an amazing kid. I always joke that he doesn't need me b/c he's so independent but I know that isn't true. When he falls, I comfort him. When he comes into our room in the middle of the night, I snuggle him. When he's scared, I hold him. When he vies for my attention, I give it to him. He does need me. And I need him.
He reminds me a lot of myself when I was his age and I think that's pretty neat. He has a huge heart for his friends and is as social as they come.
In the last year, I've really embraced raising boys! When I was pregnant with Sawyer, I think I was really nervous to have two boys. But this past 9 months with 2 boys has been amazing and feels so very natural. I love my sons!! So much so that I wouldn't mind a third boy! But that would mean I'd have to do pregnancy and post-partum again so we'll stick with our two little boys for now!
I think I obsess a little on where Hayden will start Kindergarten. I want it to be perfect and I want him to have as much opportunity for success as possible and this Mama is on a mission to get him set up in just the right place. If not, I will have no other choice but to home school him!! I think home schooling is a great option but I'm afraid I would disappoint him to the max if I told him we were doing that. Not only that, but me as a teacher? Laughable. I would fail him greatly!
I'm such a planner that I like to know these things (where we will be and what school he will attend) and with our housing situation not finalized, it's hard for me to not think about it. I think we are getting close though. For a while we had settled on this great neighborhood we fell in love with. The school that it's zoned to is new and I had heard good things about it so that was reassuring but recently the large scale of it that I've been hearing about it has me hesitant.
1500 students and something like 15 Kindergarten classes!! That makes me nervous for some reason. And lately, I've been a little jealous of the school that will have my child 5 days a week, all day. And, I find myself feeling very picky over who is going to be influencing him day in and day out. It won't be his perfect, sheltered Christian preschool with amazing teachers that I so love. :( This is SO hard but the school/neighborhood we have our eyes on now makes me feel not so nervous. I get a good feeling when I think about him going to this one and I'm huge on vibes and feelings. I'll probably just be unsettled a little until I know it's for sure happening.
My Mom told me that back when she was a kid, her parents always picked their house based on the school they wanted their kids to attend. This is the approach we are taking. While it means saying goodbye to an amazing neighborhood (and high property taxes) that we really loved, we are saying hello to one that the school will suit my son and has a cute country charm!
I'm excited about the move but at the same time, if for some reason it doesn't pan out, I'm at peace with that, too. I've been learning to trust God's will. I know I am so blessed with what we have right now and we can make anything work. We will pursue a new home and if it's His will, it's going to work out. If not, I am beyond fortunate and I won't complain and the schooling situation will work itself out!
But 5 years old??? In awe. I went to the top bunk last night just to lay with him. We are starting to plan his 5th birthday party and I love that he has so much input and involvement! There are so many exciting things about this age that I love. He is a little boy now and I am enjoying him so.
I love you with more then I have Hayden Kristopher!
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